March 16, 2010

Doctor Jokes

Posted in Humor, Joke tagged Funny, Humor, Joke, Jokes at 12:33 pm by itsourteamwork

Patient to doctor: On the top of your prescription these words are

printed:We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?

Doctor: Pay me. I will send it.

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Patient: Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness.

Doctor: You can pay by cash, cheque or money order.

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Patient: Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?

Doctor: That is what I want to find out myself.

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Doctor to patient: Why are you nervous?

Patient: Because this is the first time I am going to have An operation.

Doctor: But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation.

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Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill.

Doctor: Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet.

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Patient: I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night.

Doctor: Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone.

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Woman patient : Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die.

Doctor : You did the right thing to call me.

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A patient to his friend: I am taking rest cure.

Friend: What do you do?

Patient : I sit every day for three hours in the waiting room of a very busy doctor.

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Doctor to woman patient: Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him.

Patient: But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee.

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Doctor: You have trouble with your throat? Have you ever gargled with salt water?

Patient: Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming.

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Doctor to woman: What is the matter about your husband?

Woman: He is worrying about money.

Doctor: I think I can relieve him of that.

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Patient to friend: I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory.

Friend: What did he do?

Patient: He made me pay him in advance.

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Doctor: Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only an indication of old age.

Husband: Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?

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Patient: Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?

Doctor: How old are you now?

Patient: 40

Doctor: Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?

Patient: No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice.

Doctor: Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?

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Patient: Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine.

The doctor was very much pleased.

He asked : Did it really help you?

Patient: It helped me wonderfully.

Doctor: How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?

Patient: I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir.

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Patient: Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind.

Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?

Doctor: You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc.

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Doctor to Patient: Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live.

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A man with a bad rash on his hands went to his doctor.

The latter examined his hands carefully for sometime and consulted many

large volumes on his shelves. Finally, he asked the patient : Have you had this trouble before?

He answered: Yes.

Doctor said: You have again got it.

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A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.

Doctor said: It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age.

Patient: The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?
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Doctor: You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary.

Patient: Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?

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